Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
