I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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