Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
