When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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