rhymes with "ouble enetration"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
