She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Found your dick twin last night
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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