my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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