if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
