If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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