no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
