Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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