How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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