then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
420 ftw
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
