69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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