There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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