I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
