So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
