OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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