Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
