I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I love you.
Bad choice
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
