tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
