I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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