PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
