the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
