so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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