i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
