oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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