Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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