mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
So much rum. So many feels.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
