Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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