I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
