The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
