3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
