I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
