I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
