there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
