Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
They took my balls.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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