god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i out mim tonsoeep
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