if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Randomize
