im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
