So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
