I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
