Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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