Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
