these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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