What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
