I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
