Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
