i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
