my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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